Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
Anybody just short of dimwit, no matter how far gone they are within ego investment, sees every little bit of your passive aggressive behaviour, you're not hiding it. You appear to have found the path to happiness, we leave you alone. You don't see it in the others because you are within a similar level of brilliance, you see it in the others because it is the most nonsensical in your face easiest thing in the world to spot.
A psychoanalyzing empath can see this thing in some of you. You enter with a communication about us, your head tilts back a little, your gaze meets our gaze with a bit of an "Alright, we're within the process. You feel it?" You say your thing about us, you hang onto us until we signal we have felt gratified, we know all conversation with you is "Ohhyeah uhhokay... Uhhh... Eyuhh... Yeah... Alright okay bye..." Off you go, have fun. Even when you're not gratifying us or talking about the manner in which we seem to not care for unsharpened pencils you've noticed we always seem to sharpen our pencils within a very specific range of dullness these feeling are always underlying. We know basically half of your communication is in some form or another "I did that one... For me. That was all for me." Sometimes it may be difficult to find how exactly that was for you but we know it's underlying. There's please be so arrogant and prideful as to disagree with me, please, please let me watch you disagree with me. There's always that one. Eyyuh... Yeah alright okay... Yeah sure... Yeah that sounds right...
You have a pride addiction, you're filling a hole, the kind of thing that leads to perma-smirk disorder. It... Yes the hole is a lack of pride hole, but, you don't necessarily have any reason to think you should have a lack of pride hole. I guess somebody must have really rammed it in there in childhood that you have nothing to be proud of, maybe you just saw a lot of other people with even more pride and thought you needed to defeat them, so, okay I guess now you get to be proud of this. A weird mass lack of introspection glitch, enough people can't see what they look like to everybody when they do this so it overwhelms the system and makes people think well I guess it's okay a lot of people are like this.
The passive aggressive giver, you put things out for people to take and then judge them for taking what you have deemed too much, you're thinking "I did that one... For me. I wouldn't eat that much if that much were offered to me. I would eat half of it, give the person a self satisfied smile and passive aggressively communicate 'Once again I have defeated you, I have proven myself the greater giver lesser taker. We'll see how you handle it the next time I offer you something, hehheh... Hehhehheh... My victory feeds me more than your offerings ever will.'" I did not put these candies out for you, I put these candies out for me. It was a test. Plunk. There. See if you pass.
Ghosting does not declare your position of superiority it declares you don't get to acknowledge my patheticness. You're creating a fucked up nonsense situation, even if this person would be just obliterated by your lack of approval, even if they couldn't HANDLE the TRUTH as to why you don't want to speak to them, it's a lot better than this bizarre evil shadow paranoid system of isolation you're establishing over the dominant power of your little whimpering weasel ego that the person on the other end is just looking at cockeyed. We're keeping him in his own little world, he doesn't get to know he doesn't get to know hehehehe he can't HANDLE it hehehehehe. Uhh. Okay. The worst are the people who float on it, float on themselves. You're lost. You're gone. You're in another world of society rules playin' the game.
The backhanded compliment is one of the darkest things you can do inside. It is the purest of social evil. Yes, believe this about yourself, believe it. Please. Please. But... But... No, you want them to know it is backhanded, you want them to understand what they have received is a backhanded compliment. Yes, see me. See me. You see me? You see me. You see what I think.
"Of course, I'm sure you have more important things to do" and "I forget you have a life" are the epitome of the passive aggressive standards. Drowning in personal society darkness, the expression of superior social belittlement over the idea of you existing in a state constructed by society as better than them. They are sick of this stupid evil force that is the society of everyone that keeps seeming to imply to them that according to society they are garbage. They're using social structure technicalities to attempt to elevate their social status over the people who dare exist in a higher social status... Within themselves. Just for them. They deliver the line and think to themselves "And he knows. Oohh yes he knows, he knows, he knows how stunningly PATHETIC he is for daring to be higher than me in the social hierarchy. He knows that I know that he needs this baaad, oohhhh yes he's sooooo invested in social status ohhhh ohhhh look at you and your status I bet all you do is think about STATUS. BECAUSE YOU'RE PATHETIC."
Recognition that somebody is holding back the full force of their opinions is not necessarily recognition of passive aggressiveness, unless of course you recognize they're very pleased with themselves against you. Very obvious displays of a person holding back and very obvious loaded questions are not passive aggressiveness, they are meant to be direct communication. The loaded question can appear more passive aggressive than it is to idiots, the person on the receiving end thinking "You think I'm too stupid see it?" is generally missing the point, you were meant to see it. It's a subtle communication to idiots, it's an obvious communication to smart people. Idiots can often think they're picking up on superiority complexes and hidden hostilities, they think they're seeing a thing the other person thinks they're hiding, sometimes they think the other person may not even be aware of it. You're meant to pick up on it, it isn't hidden. "You think I'm too stupid see it?" is a joke you are playing on yourself. Generally if you're receiving a loaded question the person thinks you're an idiot.
With some loaded questions it can become passive aggressive, when it's baked into your day to day conversational style, stereotypical Jewish Rabbi. Any time you present a "You know what I'm saying" with a "But you don't get to acknowledge what I'm saying" it's passive aggressive. Now, you've... Just... Picked up... From somewhere... Cultural standards. You're not USUALLY trying to protect YOURSELF with "You don't get to acknowledge what I'm saying." But, you are... You are protecting "You don't get to acknowledge that you have been declared an idiot, you stay humble before me." And that's no good, nobody wants to go to the wise Jewish Rabbi if the wise Jewish Rabbi is going to auto revert to anywhere he can insert this he's going to insert this. You don't want that one anymore you can be stereotypical Jewish Rabbi without maintaining that standard.
It's embarrassing that passive aggressiveness became so standard that you study it academically hoping to figure out how to best utilize it, but, on the other hand at least here there's some sort of social structure around it, it's not like day to day people who think they get to be social Jewish Rabbi to keep their day to day conversation safe from the others.
Society invested ego invested types will naturally pick up a certain passive aggressiveness that we don't get to talk about, they get to retain the happiness of doing this and the happiness of saying they hate passive aggressive people. Things, like, say, you left something out, this thing has nothing to do with this person this thing being out is in no way something this person should be paying attention to in any way, who knows maybe you're coming back for this thing in two minutes and this person probably knows that. But, I'm just going to pretend that you think that I think that this is my responsibility to clean up, there you go, it has been declared, you don't get to do anything about this, nobody gets to do anything about this, we move on, okay!? Oh you need something done!? Well I can get there faster than you can. Yeah just watch me struggle with this task that you could easily get done in three seconds, this is the kind of burden you bring upon me, this is the kind of burden you often bring upon all of us. Everybody can see what I'm doing but they know to pretend that I'm pretending to be oblivious to how I am perceived.
It's the underlying factor of society, passive aggressiveness. Some cultures more than others, North America is the most off world ridiculous with this stuff, however you're all fucking ridiculous. Canada is really bad for it as I'm sure you would assume, America is so out of this world worse as I'm sure the rest of the world knows everybody except America because they're all hard pretending to be the only culture who ever speaks their mind speaks directly. There is a hell of a lot of "I'm declaring myself upon you and you have to pretend to be oblivious to enhance the service of my declaral pretend I'm oblivious to you knowing what I'm doing and the fact that I don't deserve to do this" in day to day communication, it goes much deeper into the things you're allowed to talk about, the things you're allowed to just state. You have to figure out your way around "Stop leaving old crap in the fridge eat it or throw it out." that you know this person would not be offended at all to hear on the interpersonal level, however on the society level this person is going to be absolutely fucking shit hammered by this outrageous offense, how could you say such a thing? So you make it your life's work to struggle against this person leaving old crap in the fridge, you drive yourself to the point of desiring murder over crap being left in the fridge. There's nothing you can do about it, there's just nothing you can do about it, you've tried "How old is this can I eat it?" You've tried "Boy this crap really piles up in the fridge doesn't it." You don't know what you're going to do. You don't know how you're ever going to be able to figure out your way out of this. You know the only reason you'd ever break the "stop leaving old crap in the fridge" barrier is to demonstrate yourself, oh yeah I'll just say it, I'll say it right to his FACE, I'm that hardcore edge cut. You know some of you have fully consciously thought this at somebody who told you to stop leaving old crap in the fridge, you know you didn't question it for a second, you're lost.
It can go multi-layered complexity, you hope this unrelated comment will remind this person on some level of this thing that you know he knows you know you're working on, you know you're both trying to figure it out, you're both trying to figure out how you're going to be able to talk about this. You exchange a look, sometimes an acknowledging smile and happy eyes, you see what's happening here, you know, you get it too, you see it too. We don't get to talk about the fridge, we especially don't get to talk about the nature of our communication.
This means a lot to this person, but, it's fucking stupid so we leave it alone. But we make sure to singal to him that this seems to mean a lot to you but it's fucking stupid so we're going to leave it alone.
Ego invested, it's your vibrating egos at the auto-confirmed assumption that everybody else would be within a vibrating ego that causes you to maintain false. You know if you had to ever see this person and this person has the memory of you releasing a true feeling, they would be within a vibrating ego.
The complex societal expectation system of rules and regulations. The moment you feel you need to wait for somebody to sit down to eat, this person may or may not even be aware they are expected and most certainly nobody with a functioning brain ever actually wants you to wait for them. Some of you actually get excited in these moments, "FINALLY. He's here, we can eat." they think within their internal prison of passive aggressiveness "Nice! And he can't say a thing. He doesn't get to break my pretend dream world of superiority for not being the one breaking these rules even though I know nobody ever actually wants you to wait for them. I GOT HIM. Inside me. He doesn't get to touch it." Nobody is happy about the "we must wait before we can eat" rule, the ones doing it are not happy, the ones who are having it done to them are not happy, nobody's happy with that one. And nobody is allowed to break the rule unless the mass decides to break the rule, otherwise the one being waited on gets to see that person eating and say "What a ridiculous asshole" then look at everyone else giving them angry looks for being late, and, generally submit to the standard and take in the shame. I personally would be opposites and I always WANT to be the person eating but I don't get to be the person eating because I understand how to appear normal to the others. Next time I see somebody start eating when everybody else is waiting for me for some reason I'm going to point him out, I'm going to say this man has done something incredible, I'm going to have a conversation with all of these people, then I'm going to say look what just happened, we spoke of it, look what just happened, this is what we're talking about, this has become a topic of conversation. I know you're all drowning in darkness. Darkness. Darkness. This is the most out of this world. Obnoxious. Oh my God. Yeah, FUCK SOCIETY, MAN. Yeah okay edge cut. Jesus fucking. Wow. You are a fucking mess you are fucking psychotic.
Basically the most fundamental underlying aspect of society baseline is "What did you hope to ACHEIVE with that communication?" ... ... I don't... I don't... Know... I guess... I guess whatever ends up happening. Yes we often communicate hoping to achieve something but in day to day conversation not quite so much, we don't know what to do with that, some kind of ego invested abstraction. What's your game? What's your angle? What are you saying you think their ego should be? What are you declaring your ego as?
When they've snapped on their passive aggressiveness. Semi-consciously, they think the society baseline is some sort of game of self protection and they're going to fucking prove it to everyone that you don't get to say anything to me, society won't let you. I love my life of "I did that one... For me." comments, I think I'm a serving my delusions on people all alone all by myself genius. I can fucking say whatever I want to you it's so obvious that it's so obvious that's not obvious that it's so obvious... Not. It's. ... You see what I'm sayin' you don't see what I'm sayin' RIIIIGHT!? RIIIIIGGHT!?!?!?!
They're playin' the game, playin' the game of keepin' it safe, keepin' myself safe from anybody ever being able to put me in my very obviously easy place whenever I make my passive aggressive jabs, keepin' my very passive aggressiveness safe. If you break the society communication wall with one of these and just state "Stop leaving old crap in the fridge." you will see an intense face droop, an overwhelming overpowering very foundation of reality destabilizing shakes them to their very core and neutralizes them feeling. Metaphysical blackness, trembling, fighting tears, they may take an hour or so in their room to keep from passing out. To them, you are finished, to them you have become the most out of this world ridiculous creature, the places you go are inconceivable.
With these people, after they have received your "Uhhyeah...? Thank... Thank you..." the places they go internally after they have gone off and found a corner with it ring of heheheheHEHEHEHEHaHAHAhAHEHAHAAHEEXBPT!O_O;
I got to have the ultimate passive aggressive roommate. You could see it in his every communication, I'm scary movie disorder-ing you and you don't get to say it because you know my perception hits you far too hard you're all auto dehumanized to the bottom by my perception just a doopy doopy mess of surrealistic nonsense, you all know I'm casually comfortable in my position of superiority on every single one of you, you all know you fall to your knees at my pressence as I do. One time he had his very low intelligence friend over, who I always liked, even though I couldn't stop giggling manic about the fact that the laws of reality allow for a him the first time we met and got high together and I couldn't stop flashing him evil looks. But. Turns out I like the existence of him he's a fun silly retard. Anyway, we were discussing the Matrix soundtrack as he looked at the back of the DVD case and he was trying to figure out something I think it was related to Juno Reactor and my roommate just bursts out into a giggling menace over the concept of his pet retard and we both just ignored him and allowed him to stew in his darkness as this was a perfectly normal conversation nobody said anything that needed to trigger scary movie disorder.
There were a handful of moments where any and all minor confrontation of nothing would cause the hard bring down of authoritative silence. Such as... We had just bought some weed, we were splitting it up. He was a little sick and tired of my bullshit but he'll be gentle to me and do it this way, when he's smoking weed all by himself and I'm not around that's fine that's a different story, but, no, once he wasn't home and I smoked two bowls of it all alone in my room that is an egregious offense of the highest level we are bringing down the hard system. I said "Oh hey it looks like you actually ended up getting about half a gram or a gram more than me here." Wall of silence, okay oh my God I clearly take this so seriously oh my God I am such a pathetic drug abusing holy fuck oh my God I want to bring THIS up!? I want to say it like THIS!? Hey... Uh. Hello? HEY. What? HEY. HAY! WHAT! WHAT THE FUCK! Oh yeah okay and now two hours later we just go back to normal conversation like none of this ever happened don't we!? HAY. FUCKING. WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU.
He put it in his bank, when we would hang out after I moved out I think like two or three times I was out of weed and he was the one supplying the weed. That was the end of our time together, he brought down the super serious hard hammer it's time we have a talk about all of the things I know and you know we need to get real this is fucking serious we are in a very serious moment here this is fucking deeply serious. You're clearly just using me for weed, I'm not going to do this with you. Now, if you want to cry I guess that's fine. I tried to engage with him a little and I got "See, sometimes I put a wall up." That was the last I heard of him. Okee doke. It was, uhh... I probably thought about it, it wouldn't have been the prime reason for wanting to hang out but surely I thought about it.
There was a moment at our first apartment, I had come home from university and he's telling me the story of this lady. She was all crack crazy, I don't know she wanted money or use of a phone or something who knows. It seems after he didn't have anything for her she was going to try the next apartment. Well now I have no choice but to ego magnet this woman, she's going to cause an INCIDENT, this could be HUGE, look at what she's PUTTING ME THROUGH. So he followed her around the complex making sure everybody could see his "I'm taking this very seriously" face, this woman is causing a SCENE, everybody understands that I WOULDN'T DO THIS, RIGHT? I'M A VERY SANE PERSON. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THIS IS SERIOUS. I'M VERY SANE. I'm making sure she's safe, I'm making sure you're safe, this is handled, I mean DOOR TO DOOR? ARE YOU CRAZY? I believe what I told him after he told me this story was something along the lines of "I don't know what to do with that." This woman finds some guys to come murder him I'm going to have to make sure they understand I support you I don't support him I support this murder. I knew I couldn't retain fake in this moment, he requires fake but in this moment I can't give it to him but I'll have to give him something. Then he would maintain the soft look of "You like me right? You get it?" That was hard.
One of the last things I said to him... I was talking about how I received a comment on my Facebook from my own account saying "Die in a fire." I was trying to figure it out... Who could it possibly be. Well, your old girlfriend I believe hates me and it's possible my login information is on your computer I guess she's a suspect. I figured I may as well admit it, yeah I did a paranoid on your girlfriend there you go. He's all okay I can cover this up for you, don't worry buddy nobody needs to know nobody needs to know it's covered UP, you'll be fine you'll be fine buddy it's okay buddy it's okay nobody needs to know. Oh yeah, okay, thanks. I think I figured it out, the timing of it, I got in an ego investment argument on the internet with some idiot on a drug forum that escalated into me saying WANT TO PUNCH and he reverted to man threats of how he would drop me, "Die in a fire" is hacker lingo, I guess they're threatening that thing where your hard drive spins really fast until it catches fire. That one makes the most sense. That would have cost you about five hundred bucks, good one. "I bet he's all INVESTED in it, I think every day about how I bet he's just thinking about it every day I bet he's all INVESTED in it." Obviously that little error is long gone you're safe, no it CAN'T, nobody ever needs to know that was possible.
I did really like your girlfriend at first, you didn't deserve her. Until I found out she's studying psychology... UH OH, I know what level of cognitive functioning you are. No some of your analysis is correct, obviously that particular high school friend is a homosexual everybody knows it, it's FINE dude, jesus. You gave me a lot of good data with your obsession with the show Intervention.
He told me he likes washing the dishes he doesn't mind taking charge of the dishes. So he looks very happy for about two minutes of washing the dishes, very very happy, then his face starts to pull a "Can you believe this fucking guy!?" motion. Then I can just see him stewing in the feelings of "I can't believe it. I can't believe what this fucking guy just fucking did. Jesus fucking Christ. This guy is fucking ridiculous, look at what he's doing." Then every day he would have about three or four comments on the giggling absurdity of me and my dirty dishes in the sink. It got to the point where he after a long and very serious conversation with his girlfriend he decided to inform me, in a very serious discussion deep deep darkness discussion air of somebody just died and we need to prevent you from ever being capable of being so neglectful as to allow people to just die like this ever again. They have decided to initiate the system of chore list, he's putting the list on the fridge, he pulls a takes himself takes his position real serious face, the winking implication of you need to leave me in my own little world, in here I am the king and you are nobody. I'm only going to assume, at night, he spent about two or three hours stewing over my deep darkness my deep deep darkness I know he's in the next room crying I know he is I know he knows he is a PIECE OF SHIT. A. PIECE. OF. SHIT. I know he knows he is, I know he does, I know he's crying I know he is I know he's taking this incredibly seriously I know he is I know he is. He's losing his shit he's losing his shit. My collection of people I think are beneath me, he's not as good as gangsta' wheel chair midget but he's about as crazy as my girlfriend I think. But they're all running smoothly, everybody is operating exactly as they're supposed to.
I always looked forward to hanging out with gangsta' wheel chair midget, bypassing concepts of who thinks who's cool and what not his level of communication with people was a lot more cool and down to Earth than any of the other people in the room, I actually got to thinking I think drug dealer wheel chair midget could have worked, it wouldn't hit everybody just right but I got to thinking about it when I was watching Requiem for a Dream with the deaf drug dealer. Not just because general handicapped stuff, but there's a certain air where "Yes yes nobody cares, it actually does things for my image, maybe I can make Jabba the Hutt jokes or something." I did try and see if I could giggle about gangsta' wheel chair midget when you first started dealing, but it didn't really do anything for me. My roommate was giving me things to giggle about though. I pictured him as the ringmaster of his own internal circus. I'll always remember when his friend just started rapping and he just passively calmly says "Dude shut the fuck up" and he just quietly submits and sits down.
I learned what you need to do with passive aggressive psychotics is give them what they want and watch them suffer, the wall states potential murder, he wouldn't be able to pull it off but that's the threat. Slip in blatant displays of "And I am oblivious to it" and funny faces. Every now and then if you can return their passive aggressiveness incredibly directly and state the most blatantly obvious what you are, those are ideal. Particularly if you slip them in right at the moment of leaving the room. You have to do them in the manner that suggests it doesn't matter to me what you do with this, not even an I know you're about to try. No I don't remember any of mine, I just remember a few moments of BOOM dark shadow. Come back two or three hours later nothing happened. What they do with this is repress the memory, oh well maybe he'll get it back at the moment of suicide. I wish I could tell him it appears as though I have Jewish blood. Then I could use some stuff. That one would be ideal, Jews don't get to have that one.